Lilly the Narcissistic Mother should also be known as Hurricane Lilly because everywhere she goes, she causes damage.
On New Years Eve 1999, Lilly and #5 husband attended a house party. While they were there they met this new couple who had just moved to their area from Austria. We’ll call them Klaus and Karin. Karin was very pregnant with their second child. Lilly took one look at Klaus and was immediately infatuated. Klaus was rock star good looking. But Karin was a beauty as well. Karin was tall, slim with long dark hair.
Lilly immediately started moving in on Klaus. She first befriended Karin so that she could get closer to Klaus. Using her usual cadre of charm and flattery, Lilly helped Karin learn more English and made herself available whenever Karin needed to talk about her problems. When Karin needed food for the new baby but couldn’t make herself understood at the grocery store, Lilly ran to the rescue for Karin. Lilly started inviting Klaus and Karin and their children to their home for suppers. When Lillian found out that Klaus and Karin were back to the landers who practiced organic gardening and cooking, Lilly suddenly took an interest in her husband’s garden and organic cooking. Where Lilly used to buy her children large bags of cheese twists and chips along with large bottles of cola on Friday nights, she now started buying them plain yogurt and multi-grain organic spelt flour chips.
Klaus and Karin went on to have another child and were very close emotionally and physically. Lilly was starting to get worried that she would never get to Klaus. She started manipulating Karin and #5, leaving them alone together on many occasions hoping something would blossom. It didn’t.
Then Lilly started to push her girlfriends on her husband telling them “If you and _______ have a quickie, that is fine with me. Just please let me know” It was obvious that Lilly was trying to get her husband to screw around on her so that she could be the poor wife victim and would be available for Klaus. It still didn’t work. None of Lilly’s girlfriend’s were immoral enough to sleep with her husband.
When Klaus happened to bring out a guitar one night, Lilly had her answer. Klaus enjoyed music; enjoyed singing, playing and making music. So Lilly organized other people that she knew whom played an instrument and got everyone together. Karin was too busy with the babies at home and #5 was busy at home with the children as well. That left Lilly with Klaus. Slowly, quietly, Lilly started getting closer to Klaus. She flattered, cajoled, and charmed Klaus. Lilly started to confide little things with Klaus about her marriage, how she was unhappy and the things that #5 did that upset her and her children. She told Klaus that she could tell only him because only he understood her; that she could only show her real authentic self to Klaus because he was the only one who didn’t judge her. Klaus, having strong narcissistic qualities himself, was extremely flattered. He would hold Lilly’s hand as she cried about how she wanted to leave her marriage but couldn’t because she couldn’t support the 6 kids who were still at home. Lilly cried about how mean, how uncaring, how insensitive #5 was to her. She even told Klaus that #5 was bi-sexual and had a crush on him, Klaus. Klaus was disgusted with #5 and became more and more concerned about Karin.
Meanwhile at home, Karin was taking care of three small children in an unfinished house with dirt floors and no hot water. Karin began to become resentful of all the time that Klaus was spending away from home. Karin, not knowing that Klaus was spending much of his time away from the house with Lilly, confided her feelings in Lilly. Lilly used this information from Karin to start dividing Klaus and Karin. She made little comments that had Klaus questioning his trust in Karin. Lilly then used the things that Klaus had confided in her to stir up misgivings with Karin. Then Lilly decided she would help them both and announced she was doing ‘marriage counselling’ with them to try and save their marriage. It was the final straw for Klaus and Karin’s marriage.
While Lilly was ‘marriage counselling’ Klaus and Karin, she convinced her mother that #5 was an abusive husband that she and the children needed to flee right away. Lilly’s mother bought her a house in the town and Lilly and her children moved in right away. Now she was available for Klaus.
Karin, meanwhile, being a proactive woman, had learned English well enough to become active in the community and get a part time job. It was at this job that she met a man named Paul. Paul spent time with Karin, showed her and her children attention and helped them when the car broke down or she needed to talk. Karin told Lilly about Paul, how nice he was to her and the children and Lilly encouraged Karin to take the leap and leave her unhappy marriage with Klaus and move in with Paul. Karin took Lilly’s advice and left Klaus. Karin took the three children and moved in with Paul.
This was exactly what Lilly had hoped for.
Klaus was devastated and Lilly moved right in for the kill.
Lilly held his hand while he cried; she gave him her shoulder to cry on; she ‘bonded’ with him over their mutual marital breakups. Klaus did not know that Lilly was behind both of the marital breakups.
Lilly then fanned Klaus’s anger at Karin while playing Karin against Klaus. Nobody seemed to be able to connect the dots and see what was really happening and who was behind it. They were all so caught up in the drama that Lilly’s obvious maneuvering of everyone was not so obvious. So many lies were told by Lilly that even she had trouble figuring out what the truth was. Actually, to Lilly, the truth was whatever she said at that moment.
Lilly went on social assistance and berated her now Ex #5 for not giving her food out of his garden. He may have done all the work to grow the food and he may have had the land before she married him but she argued that the 70 acres were now marital assets and half of it was hers and that meant that half the food he grew on the land was hers. #5 gave her food because he expected it to go to the children.
The four children that were not #5’s but whom Lilly insisted they call Daddy, now had to forget about him. Lilly would not let the 4 children he had helped raise for the past number of years see him. She would not let #5 see those 4 children either. #5 hired a lawyer and demanded to see at least his two biological children. By this time, Lilly’s first children were old enough for taking care of themselves and for babysitting so Lilly agreed that #5 could take his two biological children in a joint custody arrangement. And then she went after him for child support and half the assets. Lilly never lifted a finger to help build the house, keep the garden, or preserve the food; she tucked any extra money away for herself and everyone else got second hand stuff. Lilly did not hold a job outside the home and brought a lot of kids to the marriage that #5 provided for with his job and his land and his labour…but still she got half the assets. #5 had to pay out more than $100,000 to Lilly. In the end, #5 said it was worth it to get rid of her lazy ass.
Lilly the Narcissist Mother Part 3 coming soon…
Narcissists I Know 